Spiritual High 2.0 (or "If God is real, then why don't we take the land, people?")

I am still processing this weekend.  My thoughts are a little jumbled, so I am hoping they will sort themselves out on "paper."

This weekend, I took part in a gathering of women called the IF:Gathering.  If you read what they are all about on their website, it says, "We exist to gather, equip and unleash the next generation of women to live out their purpose." I actually attended a livestream of the event last year, not knowing at all what to expect, but just feeling deeply in my soul that this would be a life-changing time in my life.  And trust me, I know that sounds so melodramatic.  Especially if you have grown up in church like I have.  We are really, REALLY used to (maybe TOO "used to") things being life-changing.  So often, we just feel like we are giving lip-service to something that can't be done anymore and that if "it" is supposedly happening to someone, there are some really, really good chances that "it" is fake.  "I am on such a spiritual high!'"  And everyone nods their heads in agreement knowing that they will get over it soon enough.  Too bad those don't last, right?

Well, for the first time in my life, I have been on a spiritual high (I really hate even calling it that!) that doesn't seem to be ending, nor does the end look to be anywhere in sight.   It started building a few months before the IF:Gathering in 2014, and it hasn't stopped yet.  That's over a year, people.  Where I come from, spiritual highs don't last that long.  A month or so, tops.  If you're lucky.

This gathering of women has challenged me in so many ways, ways that I feel the breath of the Holy Spirit MOVING ALL OVER IT.  (And I'm not even Pentecostal, though some of my very dearest friends are :)) It was something that I hadn't experienced in a long time.  And that's a bit of a big deal because, if I'm going to go with the head or the heart, usually I'm all about my head...all about knowledge and learning and facts and what I see.  I am not a girl who is usually guided by what seems to be the emotional.  At least, not most of the time.  (Shoot....I AM female, as my husband jokingly reminds me at times.)  So I am skeptical ("discerning" sounds nicer, but it's not always true) of things that might be contrived or emotionally heightened or any of that.  I usually steer far, far away.  But I knew in my heart (and in my head) that the Lord was moving through this.

In the past year, I have been challenged to embrace God's calling on my life.  Yes, as a wife.  Yes, as a mother.  Yes, as a woman.  But even more, as a unique individual created in the image of God who was created with a perfect purpose, one-of-a-kind calling, burning passions, and distinct giftedness to be used for His glory, even when that moves me outside of my comfort zone -- all of us are.  Now, what did that look like?

It looked like a lot of things in my life last year:

1)  Trying to figure out where my passion was -- what had the Lord broken my heart for and where did it intersect with my passions & giftedness?

2)  Starting to blog again.  Notice it took a year before I actually did that one.

3)  Actually allowing myself to dream about writing a book regarding things that I am passionate about -- friendship, different cultures and races, taking risks, building community, food, hospitality.  

4)  Vocally encouraging other women to pursue the big dreams that God has given them even if they seem impossible.

It doesn't seem like too many things when I write it out, but they were story-changers for me.  I couldn't stop talking about what I had learned.  I couldn't stop sharing my passions.  And I started to see places that God may have carved out for me to step into in faith.

Then this year happened, and I was asked if I would host the local livestream of IF at our church.  I am passionate about this message.  So yes.  I said yes.  Even though I have never planned an "event" before (and truthfully, this was a good event to ease into since I didn't have to take care of any speakers or lodging, etc.) and I get a bit nervous speaking in front of groups of my peers.  I have definitely been a little on edge, being completely out of my comfort zone, but I knew that God wanted IF at our church, and I knew that He was going to do something amazing with it.  I just KNEW.  (Again, with the intangible "knowing" and believing -- but He made it very clear.  Just roll with me if you are a facts person, like me.)  We had almost 60 women come, several who said it was just completely on faith because they, like many of us, had no idea what this IF thing was all about. It just sounded like a place where God was moving, and we wanted in, along with over thousands and thousands of other women all around the world.

So what did we learn this year?  Still a similar theme (pursuing God's calling on our lives with boldness and courage), but here are some things we heard:

1)  From Jennie Allen, Angie Smith, and Jo Saxton -- We struggle when faced with God's direction and ask ourselves 3 questions, the same questions that the 10 spies asked when refusing to enter the land of Canaan in the story of Joshua:  Am I enough (to accomplish this)?  Is it safe?  What will it cost me?  (Gulp.  Guilty.  Of asking all 3.)  Instead of asking like Joshua and Caleb when confronting the giants in the Promised Land, "If God is real like we KNOW He is, why don't we take the land?  He told us to go.  So let's go!"  How many times have I utterly failed to have that type of attitude when faced with a little bit of an obstacle to God's clear direction?  Which questions will I choose to ask myself?  Do I see myself as a grasshopper who can make no difference in this world?  Or do I know that I can face giants because I walk in confidence through the Holy Spirit?  An entire generation of Israelites missed out because they thought that they were too small.  Their mindset held them captive, nothing else.  I need to MAKE MY LIFE ASK BETTER QUESTIONS.  

2)  From Rebekah Lyons -- Revival is not an accident.  The price is crying out to God and asking and grieving for what is not okay.  God has all the riches of heaven at His disposal -- do we want it?  But the repentance starts in us.  Me.  As an individual.  I can't look at everyone else and just say, "Repent, you crazy world!  Stop doing all of these bad things!  Stop sinning!  Act better!" when I do not have a repentant heart myself, day after day.  Seriously.  (Actually, that's not even the way I should talk about repentance to the world at all.)  I am not nearly as repentant as I should be.  More than I used to be, but still....not as repentant as I should be.  

3)  From Jen Hatmaker -- Our limits blind us to God's capabilities.  We place too high of a value of what we can or cannot do, and we don't believe in the God who LIVES IN US if we are a follower of Christ.  I don't have to have my full confidence in myself, or in my puny understanding of who He is, but simply in the God who lives in me.  Faith doesn't mean there is no struggle or doubt.  It just means that I don't have to demand an explanation from God for every single thing that happens.  I just don't.  The people who are the  most humble and least arrogant believers are the ones who seem to be the most okay with God being completely beyond our comprehension.  And then there's this -- "Don't wait until you have full possession and knowledge to take full possession of God."  He is good, in the good and the bad.  He is faithful.  Give your heart permission to trust Him.  (And trust me, as someone who just went through a miscarriage a few months ago, I can tell you that this is true.  All of it.  He is GOOD in the bad times.  So good and faithful.)

And then there was the challenge to real-life racial reconciliation.  To have hard conversations about real things that people around us are dealing with on a daily basis.  On things that I am dealing with on a daily basis.  We watched a real one happen in real-time, and it happened in love and the spirit of grace and understanding, and that brought us, all of us, to our knees because it is possible to have those hard talks.  But we are praying for something that IS truly impossible without God's help and we feel like we are asking for....everything.

During the course of the weekend, I was just asked to consider, over and over again -- "Do I believe that the Lord will grant me what He has promised in His Word?"  And after much consideration, I have to say, I DO. (Writing this down so that I remember it.....scribble, scribble, scribble....)

So here are my action steps, at least for today -- 

1)  Being open to divine appointments & friendships (read: quality time spent) with people who are complete strangers or even those who are not.  Can I even tell you how many times this has already happened since I chose my Word of the Year -- "fearless" -- in January? (And it literally just happened yesterday.  At the mall.  Complete stranger.  Did I mention I'm an introvert?)  Don't ever say there aren't opportunities -- in the past I know that I have just closed my eyes and ears to them.  Really, really trying not to do that anymore.

2)  Having a louder (but not more obnoxious) voice about issues that matter, like how to really love those who are different than me or those who are opposed to me or who disagree with me and wrestling with what that looks like because I really WANT TO KNOW.  So being an introvert by nature, having a loud voice is not my favorite go-to mode.  But I see more and more the need to be able to dialogue and have honest conversation without arguing or spitting out words that masquerade as love but are really mostly hateful and angry and that cannot sit in the same room with the peace and joy that Galatians 5 talks about.  And I don't mean that in a "yeah, peeeeeace, dude" sort of way.  I mean this legitimately.  Thoughtfully.  Biblically.  Lovingly.  Truthfully.

3)  Try new things.  Try HARD things.  Be willing to be inconvenienced sometimes.

Maybe there will be more, but this is a good start.  Call it a year-long spiritual high.  I hope it becomes the habit and pattern of my life.  Spiritual high 2.0.  I hope it never ends.  And I hope it's ridiculously contagious.