La Cucaracha

Okay, it's been WAY too long since a post, and I do have many things to post about at some point -- another trip to Mexico, a CD recording session -- but this just happened and it's funny and ridiculous, so I decided to blog about it.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a slightly strange personality -- I can be ready to go do something a bit daredevilish and crazy one moment (like try out for Survivor on a whim or hike down into a volcano or ride a stinky donkey up a mountain -- yes, I've done all of those), but then there are times when the seemingly benign and ordinary COMPLETELY trips me out. Like tonight.

I was sitting on my couch, minding my own business, hanging out with Chooch (my puppy). Greg was out night fishing, so I finally had time to diligently work on my education course (blech) that I have to take. I was sitting on my sofa, dutifully typing away about the four major components of lesson planning, pecking at the keys at lightning speed, when all of a sudden, I caught a movement in the corner of my eye. Something dark and fast scampered.....UP MY LEG. I jumped. (My brand new laptop flew off the couch and flopped onto the floor....but don't worry. It's ok.) I lost sight of it for a moment. Then, it scampered UP my leg again (I was wearing shorts, so it was REALLY freaking me out.) A two-inch long cockroach, about to crawl up my shorts. EEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

I cannot express enough disgust for these insects. They are ridiculously gross.

I screamed and tried to swat it off of my leg. It ran further UP my leg, above my knee. I jumped up and started shaking my leg, jumping around, and screaming some more. Chooch, my little 5-pound Pomeranian, just stared at me, like, "You are the craziest lady I have ever seen. What happened to my calm, sane, adoring mom? Am I supposed to be doing something right now?" I finally swatted the bug onto the floor, and it skittered back underneath the couch.

"CHOOCH, get it!!!!" (I have this illusion in my head of him being a hunting dog, some great tracker. Phhhhtt. Yeah right!) He stares at me again, looking utterly confused.

I ran into the kitchen, found the fly swatter, and just waited for the ugly, brownish-blackish scumsucker to creep out from under the couch. I didn't think it actually would.

And then he actually did.

WHAM!!!! WHAM!!!!! WHAM!!!!!!

"GOTCHA!!! You are SO gonna wish you never came in my house. Ha!" (Yes, I yelled that out loud in my house...by myself.)

WHAM!!! WHAM!!! WHAM!!!! (Gotta make sure he's really dead, you know?) Flush.

I come out of the restroom after disposing of the cockroach. Chooch, in the meantime, is still looking at me perplexed and now openly fearful -- he has peed on the carpet by now because I'm completely freaking him out. What a guarddog. (sigh) He just chased a cat this morning. Well, sorta. Until the cat started hissing at him and showed him his fangs. Then he whimpered like a little puppy, tucked his tail, and came running. So much for him being a tough guy....

Trust me -- I know this sounds slightly irrational. But at least I can say that I know someone who is worse than me around cockroaches. My roommate from seminary used to react in an even more physically astonishing manner -- when she spotted a cockroach, she would emit a piercing, dolphin-like squeal (I'm not kidding...you should hear the octaves she could hit), and then she would find the nearest person to her and she would jump on their back. Guy, girl, friend or foe, it didn't matter. A couple of times that nearest person was me. Sometimes, it was another lucky person. It was fun :)

I don't know why cockroaches freak me out so much. I know they're just bugs. It's just those weird couple of things that really get to me......like cockroaches......and airplane turbulence.....and ingesting things that are artificially blue. You know. Everyone has those couple of things, right?